Complicated
by Deadly Beauty1
Summary: [songfic] Meryl writes a letter to Vash, to tell him how she feels about him, and why things must be so complicated. M/V I guess.. have fun and please review! /^.\\


Songfic! /^.\\ I think the m/v lovers will like this.. although it's not really a romantic story.. anyway, I think most of you know the song Complicated by Avril Lavinge? And yes, I know it's about boys that act strange when they're with others, just to be 'cool', but I thought it fitted Vash nice too.. anyway.. not much to say, just: have fun! (oh: it takes place around episode 25, so that means: SPOILERS!)  
  
Complicated  
  
  
  
'Honestly Meryl, You're the number one my 'most annoying people list'! who do you think you are anyway, bossing everyone around like that? Really, Meryl, you need a break..'  
  
Meryl looked at the blonde gunman that was standing before her, furious. She felt like she could kill him. She, annoying? If someone was annoying, than it was that guy! Walking away, so she and Milly had to look everywhere to find him, acting silly, but not wanting to tell if something was wrong.. and she just knew some things were wrong.. 'It just.. why do you make things so complicated?' She thought she hadn't said it out loud, but when she looked at Vash' stunned face, she knew she had, because he yelled.  
  
'Me?? You're the one that makes things complicated! I'm not the one following people when they were said they shouldn't do that! I'm not the one who's forcing others to do things he doesn't want!'  
  
Meryl knew what he was talking about. A few weeks ago, Vash killed someone. For the first time. Yes, it might sound stupid, because he's the Vash the stampede, the legendary outlaw and all things like that.. but was it her fault? She sighed. Maybe.. she just looked at Vash, but he sighed and ran out of the hotel room. Meryl walked to the window, and as she saw him run away, she felt hot tears running down her cheeks.  
  
  
  
She walked down the street, looking around, talking with people, looking at children playing, walking into stores but don't buy anything.. anything that would get her mind off Vash. She walked to the town square, where sat a girl with a guitar. She was a bit older than Meryl, but kind of looked like her. Brown eyes, long black hair.. she was checking her guitar. Meryl looked on the square, when she saw that oh so familiar blonde, playing with kids in his unique, but very annoying way. The kids were jumping on him, while he was screaming playfully. The people on the square laughed, but Meryl felt herself growing mad. Why did he always act so stupid? She knew him long enough to know that wasn't the real Vash. 'He's hurting and smiling to hide it' she thought, not knowing someone had noticed that long ago. Someone, one of her friends, a priest that returned to Heaven now.. she didn't see the smile on the woman with the guitar, and didn't see how she seemed to know what Meryl was thinking. She did hear the tones of the guitar, and the beautiful voice of the black haired beauty though..  
  
~Chill out, what you yellin' for?~  
  
Meryl felt like that sentence same straight from her heart, her thoughts. One moment, she was afraid that she was the one who sang that, but then he heard the next line.  
  
~Lay back, it's all been done before~  
  
She looked at Vash, and the anger made place for pity. 'Please Vash' she thought 'Why can't you just leave it.. and be yourself.. people can live without the silly you. You're just hurting yourself for no reason, and Vash..'  
  
~And if, you could only let it be~  
  
'I wish I could just tell you, you know.. how I feel about you, my thoughts and that I want to help you. You don't have to hide anymore. But every time I try, all that comes out my mouth, are the things I don't mean.. I'm just scared.. that you'll hate me.' She sighed, gave the singing woman a double dollar and walked away, not being able to see Vash like that anymore  
  
~You will see..~  
  
'Maybe one day you'll see me' she whispered, and another tear fell into the sand. 'Maybe I should write a letter to you. It's so much easier to write than just tell it.. because I just get lost into your eyes, Vash, and I forget my thoughts.. and then I'm angry at myself, and just say the things to you that I should be saying to myself..' She shook her head 'Cowardly me'  
  
~I like you the way you are~  
  
'Is that a good way to start a letter?' Merly sighed. She was in the hotel room, starting a letter for Vash. She looked out of the window, hoping the blue sky and bright suns could solve her problems. But they couldn't. They just couldn't. She had to do it herself.. With that thought in mind, she tossed the paper(that had 'Dear, silly but oh so sweet Vash' on top) away. The floor was already full of papers, as she picked a new one. 'Dear Vash..' she sighed. 'I.. ' no, that's not a good way to start a letter.. is it? Oh, what the hell' She laughed, of herself saying 'what the hell' but wrote: 'I'm sorry for being such a bitch' That's good, she thought. Then he can see I'm really sorry.  
  
~When we're drivin' in your car~  
  
She laughed 'right, like we ever did that..' When she thought about it, she noticed she and Vash never did anything nice together. It was just.. her job. And jobs weren't supposed to be fun. 'Then..' she thought 'how come I love it so much?'  
  
~And you're talkin' to me one-on-one~  
  
'I just love you when you're yourself, but with others..' she wrote. It's true.. she and Vash could really talk together, but only when it was just the two of them.. and that didn't occur much.. she smiled. A few days ago.. when the town people tried to kill him, and she saved him.. it was like, the best thing that happened in her life. And when he embraced her.. and looked at her, with so much gratitude, but also.. like how you look at people you truly love. Like.. he found someone he missed for many years.  
  
~But you're become.. Somebody else~  
  
'With others you act so crazy, you're hiding things but I just want you to know you don't have to hide anything from me' She looked on the letter. 'I hope you understand' she wrote. 'I don't want anyone else. I want you.'  
  
~Round everyone else~  
  
'But not the you you're pretending to be. I love you, Vash. Just you.'  
  
~You're watchin' your back Like you can relax~  
  
'I see it's killing you too, you know. You're just too sad to keep this happy face up, and you have the right to. I'm sad too.. but why don't you tell me? So we can.. relax together.'  
  
~You tryin' to be cool You look like a fool to me~  
  
'You look like a fool to me..' she erased it, and wrote again 'You look like a star to me, something you want to reach but can't. You look like a clown to me, someone who's acting like a fool, but really isn't. You don't have to be this way. Not anymore.'  
  
~Tell me..~  
  
'Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else, gets me frustrated.. life's like this.. Vash.'  
  
~You fall, and you crawl, and you break, and you take, what you get..~  
  
'You do every thing at the same time, but not the right thing. I know you're thinking you can handle this all alone.. but.. everyone needs some little help, sometimes. You do, I do..'  
  
~And you turn it into.. Honest me, you promised me You never gonna find you fake it.. No, no no..~  
  
She sighed and walked away from her desk, to the window. Where would Vash be now? And how would he react to her letter? She knew, somehow, this letter could destroy everything they had the past three years. She looked at it, felt like throwing it away, burning it, eating it, anything to get it off this world, and make sure Vash would never read her feelings..  
  
~you come over unannounced~  
  
'You just show up, and then disappear again, making work for Milly and me really difficult. I know, you're just trying to protect me. But don't you know I want the same thing? I want to protect, and safe you. In Augusta, and a few weeks ago.. I followed you because I was afraid I would never see you again.~  
  
~Dressed up like you're someone else~  
  
'Sometimes I don't even recognise you. Tell me, Vash, who really does know you? I don't know anything of you..'  
  
~Where you are, and where it's at you see~  
  
She let go of the pencil. It fell on the floor, but she didn't bother to pick it up, she just sighed. 'I'm so pathetic. Do I really believe Vash will run into my arms, after reading this letter? He probably doesn't even want to read it.. what am I doing anyway?' She just stared, thinking.. after 5 minutes, she stood up, grabbed her pencil and wrote.  
  
~You make me laugh out when you strike your pose~  
  
'All these poses.. your smile, your games.. how do I know what's real? When you're playing with the kids, I think.. is that Vash? And maybe you do enjoy it. I just don't see it. I'm not like Wolfwood, who can see through people. I'm not like Milly, who can smile even in hard times, and make you feel good. I'm not like.. like all those people you care about and I don't know. Do you want to know who I am, Vash?  
  
I am you.'  
  
~Take off all your pretty clothes~  
  
Behind the mask, behind our masks.. we're the same. Both hiding our feelings, our true selves for others. We.. we just make things too complicated. Behind those pretty clothes, you're just like me.'  
  
~You know, you're not fooling anyone~  
  
'When you become somebody else, it's like I lose myself. I know, Vash, I'm probably just bitching again, and you think 'she doesn't know how I feel' but do you know how I feel? And don't you want to find out?'  
  
She walked away from her desk, to the window, because she heard some noise outside. She looked out of the window, and saw kids running away, and heard one voice  
  
'..12, 13, 14..'  
  
then, she saw Vash.  
  
He ran into the street, hiding behind some boxes, so the kids wouldn't see him. Mery could see him clearly, even his face. 'He probably wouldn't be hiding there if he knew that' she thought bitterly.  
  
'..27,28,29,30! Coming!' 'Nooo! You have to count till 50!' 'I do?' 'Yes!' 'Oh. 31, 32, 33..'  
  
Meryl laughed softly, and then looked at Vash, hiding. She was shocked when she saw tears on his face. For one second, she thought she'd seen it wrong, but she looked again, and yes: big tears were flowing down his cheeks. He laid his head to one of the boxes, and Meryl saw him whispering something. Of course, she couldn't hear it, but his lips formed a word she heard a lot lately.  
  
Legato..  
  
Was he still grieving about the psychopath's death? And about his first kill?  
  
She ran to her desk, quickly wrote an end to her letter, and ran out of the room. She would give him her letter, now. And she didn't care what he would think.. thev belonged together. When she was downstairs, she ran to the street, to the boxes where Vash had been hiding. He was gone. She ran to the square, and saw him playing again.. laughing.. joking, screaming.. and silent tears ran down her cheeks.  
  
~Somebody ellse, round everyone else You're watchin' your back, Like you can't relax You tryin' be cool You look like a fool to me Tell me~  
  
She walked back to the street, knowing hoe stupid all this was. Vash could never, want, of understand her. She sank down on one of the boxes Vash'd been sitting, when Milly walked past her, looking surprised at her sempai, staring, with cheeks that were wet of tears. She bowed so she could see Meryl's face, and when she didn't react, Milly waved once before her eyes.  
  
'Sempai? Hello, Sempai? Anybody home?'  
  
Meryl looked up, to Milly, and just sobbed.  
  
'He hates me.' 'Who hates you?' 'Vash.' 'Did he say that?'  
  
She just looked at her friend. 'Isn't it obvious? He thinks I'm a bitch! I thought I could understand him.. Milly, you do things like that so well, comfort people, like Wolfwood.. how do you do that?'  
  
Milly smiled. 'I don't know, I just.. it's just me, I guess.'  
  
'I guess.. if that's 'just you' then I'm just a bitch..' 'No, you're not sempai..'  
  
Milly looked at the letter. 'What's that?' 'Just a silly letter.' 'To mr.Vash?' 'Yes..'  
  
Meryl laid her head on Milly's shoulder, and sighed. 'It's all so complicated..'  
  
  
  
She was in her room again, looking out of the window. It was night.. the moons were up, at least three of them, and she was gently petting a Kuroneko. The letter was still on her desk. She laid her cheek on the cold window, and looked at the sky, as it was like someone was there to give her advice.  
  
In the sky, she saw a face. It looked a lot like hers, only a bit older, and it had long hair. She blinked her eyes once, but the face didn't go away. The face looked a lot like that of the woman singing the song which made her write the letter this morning.. Like a reflex, she softly began to sing. A very old song, but she still liked it. Sound life.  
  
When she ended the song, the face was gone. She just walked away from the window, telling herself it was just her own reflection. Still, she felt somehow.. relieved.  
  
'Sempai!'  
  
Meryl almost fell out of her bed when Milly came running in. 'What?' 'Mr. Vash is leaving!' 'What? To where? Why? What time is it?'  
  
Milly softly laughed. 'It's 11 o'clock and he says he's going to visit his brother or something.. he looked pretty serious.' His brother. 'I'll be right there.' Then, another thought ran through her head. The letter! Maybe this was the last chance to give it! She would give it to him.. before he walked away.. and she would hear his answer.. yes.. she jumped out of her bed, dressed, grabbed the letter and ran downstairs.  
  
  
  
Vash stood outside of the town, he was ready to go. Meryl was staring at him. Now.. she thought. Give it.. now.. now is the right time.. they were just standing, not knowing what to say. 'Well..' Vash tried. 'Then.. I guess I'll go.' NO! She thought, but could only nod. Her voice had failed her. The letter was burning in her pocket.  
  
~No, no, no.. (no, no no..)~  
  
Don't go away.. Vash I need you! She wanted to scream, to kiss him, to hold him and tell him he shouldn't go, but she couldn't. She could just stare. Look at him. At his smiling face. Vash.. she couldn't move anymore, just.. 'Wait!' Milly screamed, and ran inside their house.  
  
~No, no,no..(no, no, no..)~  
  
If she wanted to do something, it had to be now. Milly's hint had been clear. It was just her and him now. He smiled. She just stared, not being able to do anything. She tried to give him the letter, tried to move anything, if only it was just her mouth to smile. Or to kiss. But she couldn't. She was frozen.  
  
Frozen by love.  
  
~No, no no..(no, no, no..)~  
  
Milly came back, carrying Wolfwood's cross punnisher and gave it to Vash. 'Gee, it's heavy' he said. Milly laughed. 'That's because it's so full of mercy!' Vash took the thing on his back, waved, and walked away.  
  
She saw him walking away, walking out of her life. Maybe this was the last she would ever see of him. It was her last chance. She could still run after him.. but she knew she couldn't. She felt tears on her cheeks, and her voice returned, but refused to call Vash.  
  
'I didn't even tell him..' she whispered. 'Then tell him when he gets back.' Milly said. 'Tell him everything'  
  
She nodded, and just knew. Vash would return. And she would tell him. Everything. She waved, and thought 'I hope you return soon, my.. my love. I will wait for you. We'll make things less complicated, I promise you.'  
  
She didn't knew Vash was thinking the same thing, and that his mouth tasted salt from his tears, that he was silently cursing himself, and that he heard the same song in his head. The thing neither of them knew, was that they didn't have to cry. That they would get together, and some things just had to be done first. That someone, they both cared about, some angel named Rem Savarem took care of her children. And that Rem never lets her children cry for nothing. It has a reason. A very complicated one.  
  
The End  
  
/^.\\ hope you like it.. please review! :D 


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